i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
