You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
