New low: just hacked my moms facebook
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
