i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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