There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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