I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
