You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
