Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
