Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
