I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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