She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
