We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
