Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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