So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
