Duck Duck Cougar?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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