hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
