I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize