frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening