Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.