Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

(256): View more from Alabama

Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

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(717): i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent http://tfl.nu/5817

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital

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(617): i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital http://tfl.nu/4e4x

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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(604): My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't. http://tfl.nu/nrau

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(302): View more from Delaware

Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

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(302): Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now http://tfl.nu/i71d

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.

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(215): Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options. http://tfl.nu/xie6

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating

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(603): He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating http://tfl.nu/fvws

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(818): View more from California

I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

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(818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8

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(631): View more from New York

Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

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(631): Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions. http://tfl.nu/8mk0

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(315): View more from New York

The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

(507): View more from Minnesota

.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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(315): The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar..... (507): .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls.... http://tfl.nu/yj71

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(619): View more from California

Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up

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(619): Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up http://tfl.nu/pxnj

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(630): View more from Illinois

And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards

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(630): And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards http://tfl.nu/vn30

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(248): View more from Michigan

They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients

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(248): They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients http://tfl.nu/50sw

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(248): View more from Michigan

It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.

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(248): It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk. http://tfl.nu/m630

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(+61): View more from Australia

I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."

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(+61): I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows." http://tfl.nu/omr4

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