Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house