i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?