this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
