Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
