those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
