it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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