It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
