It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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