I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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