Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
