I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
