I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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