I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
40s are totally the cure
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
