"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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