i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
