i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
