im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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