how can u be prego again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
