The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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