I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
