Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
