my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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