i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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