He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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