I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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