I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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