Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
