my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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