im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
