The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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