He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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