The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
