i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
