I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
