I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
