I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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