the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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