it was like his penis was on wheels.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
