I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
