Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
