do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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