It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
