Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
