life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Couch. On fire.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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