All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
