I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
