I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
