Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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