They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
