She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
