never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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