Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
