I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
