If i come over, it means nothing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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