I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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