my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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