WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
