oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
