She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
