You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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