i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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