I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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