I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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