yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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