The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
