My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
