dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
