Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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