I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
