So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
