I got chris browned last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
