What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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