A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
