you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
