what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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