porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
