Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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