this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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