I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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